Trust No One You Fool

April Fools Day. One of my least favorite days of the year. 

I got to work Tuesday morning, April 1st only to find that my boyfriend was being audited by the IRS for writing off his purchase of gun powder on his taxes last year. Immediate thought: What an idiot, why am I dating a Civil War reenactor. Second thought: He’s going to jail.  About 10 panicky minutes went by of frantic googling to find out about fines and jail time, etc. Once my pulse started to slow down, I looked down at my phone only to see a simple text, in caps letters: APRIL FOOLS. What a great way to start the day I thought and vowed to stay off the Internet for 24 hours. Since restraint isn’t really my thing, it wasn’t long until I opened up Facebook, read through my emails and skimmed Feedly. At first glance I noticed a lot of exciting music industry news was announced, but acting on suspicion, I proceeded with hesitation. Here are three stories that have me questioning my faith in online content.

Case 1: Madonna x Cracker Barrel Bluegrass CD

I love bluegrass and I love Cracker Barrel. What can I say. I’m a city girl with a country heart. But, The Material Girl getting dirty with sweet tea and a banjo? Something here smells fishy.

Lesson learned: Don’t underestimate the musical power of Cracker Barrel. I took a quick poll among friends and 100% of the people I asked guaranteed me that this had to be a prank, but alas, you can hear the sweet southern sounds of Madonna the next time you take a road trip and stop off in the land of rocking chairs and peg games.

Case 2: Jack White Announces new Album: Lazaretto

I love Jack White. I love him more than any living, breathing person on Earth right now (outside my family and close friends of course). Sometimes I find myself getting dressed in the morning thinking “what would Jack White’s girlfriend wear today” and I proceed to put on my usual all-black uniform adorned with my newest Goorin Brothers hat (true story). When I received an email from Jack’s Record Label at 2pm on Tuesday, I had my guard up- a new album AND new video? How could this have slipped by my radar? This sounds too good to be true. It just can’t be.

Lesson Learned: Third Man Records does not mess around. Not only is Jack White releasing this album next month, he is recording, pressing and releasing this album all on the same day making it the world’s fastest released record.

Case 3: Y2K Music Festival

I’m beginning to think my music festival days are numbered. While the thought of Coachella used to excite me, now all I can think about is a weekend of blowing dirt out of my nose, dumping water over my sweaty head and avoiding drunk 20 year olds. I’d like to think that I didn’t fall for the Y2K Music Fest for even one second, but in a world where The Situation has his own TV show, I thought to myself, “anything is possible.”…I mean what else are these artists up to?

Lesson learned: Just because it’s online, doesn’t mean its true, this lesson will help you avoid foolish moments year-round.